Clearly my blogging rhythm seems to have been dropped as if it'd been run over by a drunken yobbo in a Ford Pinto, but when exactly did it happen? When did I become a bad blogger? I could cite excuses like the ozone layer or my children, of course, my miserable excuse for a job putting the kibosh on blog city. Its terrible, I'm actually expected to work@work! The fact of the matter is I probably could get up a few minutes early or stay up a few minutes late to surf a narly blog, but the reasons behind my lapse boils down to a simple truth; I tend to blog when I find that its convenient.

In fact, don't we all? 
 
Sure, you might try pointing out that no one else who has children complains about the lack of blog-worthy opportunities and, in fact, somehow manager to blog on a regular basis. True. You might even claim that, if the anklebiters require that much of my time, perhaps I shouldn't have had them in the first place; but I wouldn’t recommend this approach unless you want to know what it feels like to be hit in the face with a shovel. The sad truth is that even with two jobs and two children (three if you count my husband), I find the seventeen minutes of free time I get each night between or after work are best spent peeing, brushing my teeth...or anything else that my twisted and often warped mind can conceive of behind the locked doors of either my bedroom or in my master bathroom.
 
Naturally then, it comes down to both time and convenience. Sadly, despite the evidence pointing to the contrary, it seems lately that I've got neither. In the words of Prince Humperdinck, I'm swamped! Thankfully my schedule is changing soon, but in the meantime...it seems like Mojave-sucking-on-a-cactus-when-I'm-able-to-blogging. I wonder if its possible to farm my blogging needs out to a Malaysian sweat shop somewhere? Made to order blogging out of a Japanese vending machine? Perhaps I could hijack another blogger or perhaps hire a blogging subcontracter? Certainly its worth consideration. In the meantime, I leave you with these unalienable truths I've discovered:

• Sneezing and a full bladder do not play well together and never ends well.
• There is nothing that cannot be fixed without a butter knife, duct tape, or ipecac.
• Two children cannot sit on top of the refrigerator...but one evidently can.
• Finger painting is a good hobby.
• Finger painting the cat is not.
• A little girl's easy-bake oven makes the absolute best hot dogs.
• He's going to look at other boobs occasionally. Get used to it.
• Hersey's syrup and a wicked imagination goes a long way.
• The pressure from 27 flamming-hot "Suicide" wings and the dangling of your bottom over a public toliet immediately after is probably not a good combination.
• Alone time with sweets tends to make you wax philosophical: If I eat this wedge of cheesecake and no one is here to see it, did I really eat it?
• Ignorance is bliss, particularly when you find panties superglued to the fishtank.
• We are not the masters of our own destiny...or where the cat decides to vomit.
• Anyone who says chocolate is better than sex is eating chocolate laced with cocaine.
• Cynicism is great fun!
• If it looks like cake, tastes like cake and smells like cake...it's not always cake.

Today's Positive: Got out of work today and almost kissed the ground. Literally. 

Today's Negative: Got home this evening to find a boat in my back yard. No, literally a boat. Evidently some asshat was dumping an old Gilligan's Island boat, tied it to a tree in the back alley, and then drove their truck out from under it. So now I'm stuck with a crapped out 50's motorboat sitting back there that I cannot move and the city doesn't feel the need to tow off. Yahoo! I lead an interesting life.

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