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Rebekah's 23-step plan for self-embarrassment

I have always been told that I'm a big fan of planning, but this isn't exactly the whole truth. I'm an avid over-planner. Whether we are talking about a dinner date, spray painting the homeless, taking the kids to the li…
Getting myself out of an abusive sofa relationship

Your annoying habits melted in the soft sexual afterglow of the television. Those odd quirks and idiosyncrasies that used to get my panties in a twist have blurred somewhat over time, even your repugnant shitty attitude …
Rebekah's seven deadly sins of nookie no-no

Having already sold your soul (quite possibly along with your man card) in exchange for a ticket to Sex and the City in the high hopes that it'd get you laid, I couldn't help but notice that flailing look of a drowning m…
Rebekah's Ten Commandments of the office

Retrospect is a wonderful thing. As such if I ever found that I had to do it all over again, I probably wouldn't have chosen this particular venue of working in a call center to bring home the metaphorical bacon, but see…
Free to a good home - my bad habits

Spending much of your childhood sprawled out like a horny spidermonkey on the pavement thanks to a pesky inner-ear problem will teach you many things, the least of which is that if your going to fall on your face, have t…
Another night of unrequited couch love

I'd never describe my couch as "vintage", "retro", or even "shabby chic" when clearly it appears to have been dragged all the way to Detroit and back on the back of a moving truck after being unceremoniously ravaged by a…
Getting a facefull of kitty litter - a sexual PSA

I'd like to take this opportunity for a short public service announcement. Lets say that you get up on a bright Saturday morning, happily gorge yourself on cinnamon rolls, and then in the process get happily jumped by hu…
A simple prank gone painfully wrong

Regardless of my ability to withstand even the most potent of male smells with a smile painted on my obviously repulsed face, I absolutely depise getting blamed for farts I didn't create. Excuse me? I'm pretty sure I wou…
My neighbors had sex on my porch!

Why, oh strange and non meat-eating neighbors, did you fornicate on my porch last night? I realize I'm a tough act to follow and the sheer sexual tension of living just next door to me must be overwhelming, but for all t…
My microwave won't have sex with me any more

In the beginning, our relationship was purely sexual; you took everything I offered and instantly made it hot. Gone were the days of substandard microwave loving from a former relationship that wasn't even man enough to …